Have you ever done something and then realized what you’re doing is a Pavlovian Response to some outside stimuli?

Roberta and I are cleaning house as it were. We’ve started a budget so that, hopefully, we can be pretty much debt free by May. The exception being the car and new medical bills. I’m in the process of cleaning out the mud porch and getting things straightened up out there. Roberta has started making preparations for a garage sale on Saturday. We’re dumping all things extraneous and getting things in order.

Then it dawned on both of us today. It’s a stress reaction. We’re getting ready for the fit to hit the shan.

Not only are we dealing with Roberta’s Cancer, but my contract at work expires on May 2nd and there is some serious doubts about what’s going to happen. It’s not easy to keep from worrying, when you have people telling you “all contractors will be gone by the end of the year” and “depend on if we have money to renew”, etc. We don’t have a lot of choices really. We rolled the dice and now we have to see how they turn out. Hopefully things will be just fine in May.  There’s a good chance my boss will make things come together.

But, unconsciously we have both started preparing for the worst. And the scary part is that we both started doing it without a word spoken between us. Hopefully that’s not an ill omen and the contracts will be renewed without a problem. Moving is the last thing we want to have to do right now. Roberta is just too ill to be forced into another cross-country move, even though we’ve both started preparing for it.

It’s just really funny, in a not ha ha kind of way, that we both started prepping for the worst and neither of us even realized we were doing it at first. Strange how the mind can work sometimes.