I wrote this a week or so ago and never posted it. I’ve done this many times lately. And then I delete them. It’s too personal I think. But, the cat’s out now. It’s been said aloud, and can’t be put back. Roberta is dying of Pancreatic Cancer. Period. Face the facts. Suck it up.

I don’t know if it’s easier or harder. The fact that it’s not me, but Roberta, that’s sick.

Molly and I were sitting on the couch tonight, watching some silly movie on tv. She has a cold, so doesn’t feel well, and wanted to snuggle. So, we’re sitting on the couch, and Roberta wanders into the kitchen to heat up her rice bag in the microwave.  I can hear her putzing around in the kitchen, and I had the sudden realization that in the not too distant future Molly and I might be sitting on this same couch, snuggled up watching a show, and Robeta putzing in the kitchen will only be in my memories. The haunting sounds in my own head.

This is not going to be easy.

I will do what I can to keep this blog about the day to day trivia that makes up a families life. But, I don’t make any guarantees. I might have moments of lapse like tonight. Where the weight of the future is more than can be handled. If only I could stop time. I know it’s coming, if only I could hold it off.

Live life today, like you have no tomorrow, for you may not.

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