Some of those reading this already know, some don’t.

After 7 CT scans, a colonoscopy, endoscopy, blood workups from hell, and more other tests than can be described over the last 8 months the doctors have reached a consensus on what is wrong with Roberta.

Pancreatic Cancer. Yes, it’s not a miss-type, I wish to hell it was. Pancreatic Cancer. One of the deadliest cancers you can get. In fact, the current 5 year mortality for this cancer is 100%.

So, a few answers before anyone asks.

  • Yes, this is the cancer that killed Patrick Swayze. Not the same Pancreatic cancer, but close enough.
  • No, there will be no chemo. It won’t help, not enough at least to make it worthwhile.
  • No, no radiation. Again it won’t help.
  • Yes, Roberta is in a lot of pain already.
  • Yes, she’s on pain management and taking heavy drugs to make it through each day already.
  • No, we DON’T know how long she has. WE DON’T KNOW! So don’t ask!
  • No, we don’t want to hear about some snake oil miracle cure. If you send a voodoo remedy that worked for your cousins sisters friend that had XXX I will send it back to you with precise instructions on how to fold it into sharp corners and directions for insertion and exactly how far.
  • Yes, Megan knows. No, the twins do not. Not yet. If you say anything about this in their presence you will regret living. This is not a threat, it’s a plain fact, and no it’s not negotiable. Not yet. We still have some time. We don’t know how much, but for now we’re letting them just be kids.
  • No, we are not moving. The girls have friends and support here. Moving now would only make things harder on them. We need as much stability as possible for what is to come.
  • Yes, we are preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
  • No, we haven’t given up hope.
  • Yes, Roberta is showing the decease. She’s lost 60+ pounds in the last 8 months, is tired all the time, and in almost constant pain.
  • No, she hasn’t quit work. She is enjoying the normalcy of working part time with our friends Lynn and Chuck at their restaurant Sea Harvest.
  • Yes, we are going out of our minds trying to cope with this. So, give us space.

Randy Pausch had a quote that I keep remembering. Randy was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University that died of pancreatic cancer. Watch his “Last Lecture” on youtube. Or read his book, info can be found here.  His quote was this. “My family is going to be thrown off an emotional cliff, and I won’t be there to catch them. I have to prepare them as best I can before this happens.” That’s where we are right now. Preparing. Not much else we can do.