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A buddy of mine sent an email describing the true uses of tools. One of my favorites was the following.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
yelling ‘Son of a b*tch’ at the top of your lungs. It is also, most
often, the next tool that you will need.

Also, if you read or know anything about quantum physics the following is a good one.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle… It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.

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